Kids: How many is too many?

When hubs and I were engaged and talking about kids, we always said we wanted 3.  After 3, he was done and I wasn’t. I prayed that either he would have a change of heart, or that I would have a change of heart, and then left it up to God.  Less than a year later we got a positive pregnancy test…
We were really hoping to even out the score a bit when we found out we were expecting again.  I’ll be honest (and admit my most guilty mommy moment here) and tell you I cried when I found out Connor was a boy. I wanted a girl SO bad! (It took me one day to get used to the idea, and then I was fine.)

Since we have 4 kids, I often get stopped by people, asking if they’re all mine, telling me I have my hands full, commenting on the boys outnumbering the girls.  Upon several occasions I’ve mentioned how we wanted to even out the score a bit more, but before I can say that Connor didn’t cooperate I’ve been stopped mid-sentence, usually with something like, “Oh no! You’ve got enough!”

I’m always taken aback by this; especially by some who are older, since many in their generation had lots of children or came from families with many children.  I’m never quite sure how to respond.

So how many is too many? Personally, I feel that if the couple is able to support their children, (and stay sane! HA!), then more power to them.  OK, so I say that, but oftentimes when I hear about a large family expanding yet again (Duggars, for instance), I admit I am guilty of wondering how many more they’re going to have or thinking they must be nuts. I guess this is human nature…?  Anyway, I’m thankful to know they support their family, and really seem to have a healthy family dynamic.

So what are your thoughts? How many IS too many? 

Comments

  1. We have 3 and I know I want at least one more. I think it's a personal decision and while 5 might be right for one family 1 may be for another

  2. It's a personal decision, although I do have to say I look twice when I see someone with 7 or 8 children. I'm perfectly content with 1 child but that's just me.

  3. It depends on the ability of the parents to cope/nurture the kids. I know some who are doing perfectly well with 3 or 4 kids( I have 3 myself) and some who can't even cope with one. .

  4. We're expecting our third girl any day, and I think I'll probably want one more. Four has always been our magic number, but I think it's totally a personal decision.
    I can definitely relate on the stranger comments, though. I get “You're going to have your hands full” several times a week. The other day a woman asked if my third baby was a boy. I smiled and said, “Nope, another girl!” and she said, “Awww” (with a very unhappy look on her face, as if it was the most disappointing thing ever). And yesterday a man at the grocery store commented on how beautiful my girls are and then looked at me and said, “Oh no!! You're not having another?!” It makes me laugh the things people say…

  5. When I got married our talk always included 2 children. I wanted 3 but my husband was adamant. I have one of each but have had baby fever for months. Finally my husband had a change of heart and we will add a 3rd. When I mentioned this to my MIL I got a horrible reaction from her. In her eyes only crazy people have more than 1 or 2.

    Opinions all vary. As parents we need to think responsibly, but follow our own hearts. I agree if you can support your children, love them and raise them properly that is all that matters. Not what others think. Though 19 kids is not for me, I am always impressed how the Duggars make it work and how well the kids work together.

  6. My husband and I have four. We want a few more. I know lots of people think were crazy but we have the room for them, we have the money, and we have a lot of love to give. I always get stopped when we are out. People always say “you have your hands full” and my sweet little three year old always says “no, we always have another hand” she says this when she is holding her sisters hand with one had so she really does have another hand. I think that kind of explains how we feel. There is always room for one more.
    Yes my MIL thinks I'm nuts and she will only watch one child at a time. My mother had four and thinks four is enough. I always wanted six, even as a child I said six was a good number. But to be honest I don't know when we will stop. I wish people would stop acting like children are a burden. They are a blessing and make our lives so much better.

  7. It's too many when you can't be a mom to all of them. Each woman is different, so it's not something to judge about when one can “handle” more than another. I know families where there are “too many kids” and while there might be strong sibling bonds, there oft aren't strong parent/child bonds. Personally, I'm not sure I can do more than three. And that's nothing to be ashamed of. Just who I am.

  8. As long as the parents can handle them, no number is too large. I think if you have love in your heart and the means to provide and care for each of them, have as many as you want. I'm one of four (all girls), and my husband and I have three, though we were going for two and had said we'd see how we felt later on about maybe adding a third (we got surprised by twins). Of course now I can't imagine having ONLY two kids. 😉

  9. I don't think there is a number where you can say, “You have too many children.” I think it should be on a couple by couple basis, and ONLY up to the parents-people need to stay out of it. I'd like 4-6, but we'll take one child {or two or three} at a time. I think it's important for the parents to be able to support children financially, emotionally, physically, etc.

  10. I think it depends on how able you are to care for them. Children are amazing! It's hard to put a definite number on how many you want.. plans always change! lol

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  11. Anonymous says:

    I have 6 children…5 boys and my Princess…stil would like 1 more girl

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